


It can't be gone (we're still right here)

by ImaginationReaper98



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-17
Updated: 2018-03-17
Packaged: 2019-04-01 12:33:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,550
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13998420
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ImaginationReaper98/pseuds/ImaginationReaper98
Summary: Poe is still beaming. She thinks he shouldn't be welcoming her like this, wonders why he can still bear to look at her while guilt gnaws at her chest. But this is Poe, after all.





	It can't be gone (we're still right here)

**Author's Note:**

> Title taken from "10 Mile Stereo" by Beach House.

  
Poe is there to meet her when she arrives, standing in the tarmac with BB-8 beside him. From afar, he looks every bit the man people described him to be, the war hero turned Senator with his sleek yet modestly practical suit, his posture exuding confidence and command.

But when Rey reaches his welcoming arms (that she hesitantly accepts), she sees the diagonal scar on his neck from years ago when their ship crashed during a rescue mission that went array and a few more smaller scars scattered along his face. She knows there's more, concealed underneath his clothes, and suddenly she's filled with the urge to gently run a soothing finger along each of them, or kiss them softly like she used to. Rey ignores the feeling, mentally shaking her head as she pulls back from him.

Poe is still beaming. She thinks he shouldn't be welcoming her like this, wonders why he can still bear to look at her while guilt gnaws at her chest. But this _is_ Poe, after all.

BB-8 is beeping gleefully and it considerably lightens up the load in her shoulders that she hadn't even noticed was there, catching _good_ and _happy_ in his relentless spew of words. Rey goes down on one knee to rub his spherical body like she would to a pet. "Good to see you, little friend."

"You didn't say you were coming," says Poe, "we could've prepared something."

Rey stands back up. "Exactly."

That makes him grin. "But still, everyone panicked when they spotted your ship approaching. In a good way, of course." His wide grin softens and she knows just what he was about to say. "I missed you. I mean, we all did."

Rey missed them too, him most of all, but she doesn't tell him that. The same way he doesn't mention the fact that she just left him those years ago without saying anything and didn't return until-

"Come on." He takes her hand, tugging it lightly and starts to walk. The way it somehow still feels familiar made Rey's chest ache, but it's the good kind of ache. Warm. She missed that too.

But she lets her hand slip away from his gentle grip and glances away from the poorly concealed wounded look on his face.

 

....

 

In the five years that she's been away, Poe has found a way to ignore the presence of a gaping hole that Rey left in his life, it took him a while though.

But now she's back and it's threatening to swallow him whole again.

She stops that from happening, somehow. Strange how she could simultaneously be the reason for it being there in the first place and also be the one to make it disappear.

Rey's hair is different now, shorter and just barely touching her shoulders. Her robes changed too, and she no longer wraps her arms with spare cloth. She smiled when she saw him, but it was timid and restrained and so unlike the image of her in his memory. Bursting and generous and beautiful.

He caught glimpses of that when Finn gleefully shouts her name and pulls her in a tight hug and when Rose kisses both of her cheeks. She seems to avoid looking at him as much as possible, so he tries not to look even when he wants so badly to just see her and gaze at her eyes cause he did miss her, so much.

Finn claps him on the back, handing him a drink. "Talked to her yet?"

"Yeah." Right when the word escapes his mouth, he knew Finn wouldn't buy it.

"Look, you need to just pour it all out before she leaves. I know you've got questions." Finn says.

"I don't-"

"Ask her, even when you think you wouldn't like the answers."

 

....

 

For someone who hadn't slept the entire night, she was all too eager to get out of bed when a knock comes at her door in the premature hours of the morning.

Rey finds that she's not surprised to find Poe standing outside her room.

"I was on my way out for a walk."

She smiles, the first unfiltered one she's given him since she arrived. He needn't say more, his face was an invitation laid out in front of her. Like a silent plea, hopeful and doubtful.

She nods and grabs her coat.

 

....

 

Even a tall statue that towers over buildings failed to encapsulate the force of nature that is Leia Organa. It captured her likeness, but not her essence.

Rey always thought that she was the personification of the sun, bright and warm and giving but not one to back down, righteous and silent fury flared down upon those who threatened to oppress her and those she loved.

Rey misses her still, will never stop missing her. But the memory of Leia only makes her smile now.

Her statue was erected a couple of years ago. Rey wasn't around during the ceremony but she saw the holos from the coverage. Finn was among the few who showed up to deliver a speech. He had been so calm, so solemn.

Then Poe went next and Rey's head told her to stop watching or she'll open old wounds again but her body betrayed her and she couldn't possibly look away, not when his tears were building up in his eyes while he spoke so briefly yet so truly that Rey was crying too.

Now they're standing, limbs parallel as they look up at Leia's statue, the sun rising in a burst of color behind it, both of them refusing to look at each other. Rey puts her hands inside her pockets, trying to remember what possessed her to agree going for a walk with him in the first place, but when her heart provides an answer she ignores it. She has lost the right to feel those things.

"I thought you went for a walk, that day." Poe tells her suddenly. "I had planned to tease you for going without me. We always took morning walks together."

Rey's throat goes dry and she risks a glance at him. His eyes are still fixed on the towering white statue.

"I'm sorry." she says and instantly, she wants to scream at herself. Poe doesn't say anything, doesn't even look at her. She deserves it, she thinks.

Another long silence until-

"I don't need you to apologize." He's facing her this time, visible pain in his eyes. "I just need to know why. After that, we could go on with our own lives and I won't bother you about it ever again. I promise."

It takes her a few moments before she can speak.

"You were having nightmares, Poe." That made him wince. "I hated watching you- there was nothing I could do. I became desperate."

He closed his eyes, brows knitted together. Anguished.

"I knew that I remind you of _everything_. Being there by your side every time you woke up from another nightmare didn't help any. I was convinced that I'm only worsening things." She pauses, takes a deep breath and exhales. "I'd rather have you hate me than-"

"I don't hate you."

"You should."

He sighs. "Perhaps I should."

It still stung, despite how much she agreed with it.

"But I couldn't blame you, even when I thought for the longest time that you left because you couldn't bear to be with someone broken. That I was dragging you down."

"I don't-"

"It's good that you left though. You were always meant for far greater things." His lips turn up, a sad smile. "I did try to fix myself, as you can see. Partly because I wanted to prove you wrong, but mostly because I selfishly expected you to come back to me. So when that time ever came, I won't be a heap of mess anymore, and you'd stay. I'm an idiot, I know."

Rey glances down, silent tears sliding down her nose. "We both are. Utterly stupid."

Silence stretches out between them. Moments pass. Poe chuckles suddenly, softly, disturbing the quiet.

"What?"

"I just- do you remember that time in Yavin when we both caught the flu?"

"Which time?"

"The one after we ran around in the rain."

"So all of them, you mean?"

He laughs again and Rey just missed it so much, how it grumbles his chest and crinkles his face.

"Yeah, all of those times."

Rey smiles. They had a habit of playing around in the rain, the entire base fondly made fun of them about it, and both of them knew they were gonna regret it by the time a raging fever plagued them in the morning. But they did it anyway. Always.

"You did remind me of everything, but they weren't all bad. That's the part you got wrong." he says, hands moving to touch hers. She doesn't stop him, not even when he's slowly inching closer to her. Because perhaps it's not selfish to want this again, not that she ever stopped wanting.

"I tried not to regret it. Leaving, I mean."

"You don't regret coming back."

This time, she's the one to move forward and close the gap between them, gently brushing his arms and fixing him with a firm reassuring gaze.

"No. I don't."


End file.
